JAM ON A SAND-YBEACHI’m spreading myself way too thin, Like jam on a sand—ybeach Dying in the summer heat Melting and dripping sweat—ers Of tear—drops splashing on the rocks—of the waves of the ocean. What’s all this commotion in my life? And you are standing there waiting so that you may stroke my hair And I am trying to reach out my hand for you to fin—ger tips almost there And static lips of electricity flowing—down the stream of my dreams. And now you’re gone and I’m still here holding on To your shadow, I’m hallow. I wallow in my sorrow. Wait for tomorrow, to come. ~Cryptic Girl
HE THREW ME A LINEHe threw me a line,
Like I was beautiful, ya know?
He took my hand and we walked all alone.
He held me close,
Like I was special, ya know?
I followed him in, so I wouldn’t catch cold.
Like he loved me, ya know?
But I didn’t love him, and he wanted to bone.
I wouldn’t do it.
‘Cause I’m not like that, ya know?
And I pictured us both, how we’d be when we’re old.
Like he was speechless, ya know?
But he was happy, ‘cause I was his home. I left him there,
‘Cause it was morning, ya know?
He didn’t even care, he was icy and cold.
He threw me a line,
But I never found it, ya know?
Would he ever catch me, or would I die all alone?
USE ME COMPLETELYIf you’re gonna spoil me, spoil me rotten. Who wants to stay beautiful, if left and forgotten? If you’re gonna use me, use me completely. What good is my body, when my heart has stopped beating? If you’re gonna show me my future, then show me my past. What good is a structure without a foundation that lasts? If you’re gonna hold me, then hold me forever. Why else would you bother to make that endeavor? Oh. You’re not the one.
TOO BIG TO FAILI’m stale, unbroken, please awaken me from this state. I can…not focus on anything. Not today, not yesterday, not any day that’s come and gone. I am afraid to face the shades of disappointing dreams. Where is my flag? Where is my towel? I know not of these things. We’re too big to fail, too close for comfort. Too proud to bandage up our feet. So we will walk on in silence To our inevitable fate.
AS THE HOURGLASS TURNSIs time fleeting?
Or am I?
Seconds come swiftly.
Centuries steady and colossal. Centuries of seconds and decades
Forming mountains of time.
Constant and flowing like a river.
If centuries are made of seconds,
I am made of heart beats.
Fast and then slow.
Piercing and manifest.
Time ages me.
I am not only fleeting.
I am fleeing time.
A grain of sand can’t evade the clock.
It inevitably must fall.
But the motion takes its course
Time and time again.
To become the motion,
Is to become immortal.
Because if I can ride the wave without falling,
I can make the hourglass turn again.
I’m slowly slipping under, deep under layers of feeling, into the center of it all. Fire and rage burns up inside of me. Where it came from and when it will leave, I don’t know. Hate and dislike are the only things I know in this place. Love, happiness, I cannot listen to the sound of those words without wanting to vomit up acid that will burn off the lips of the speaker. Have I lost who I am, or have I finally settled in to what I was destined to become?
BIRDS AND ASHES:Birds and ashes—beginnings and ends Doors and crashes and prettiful men I’m a dreamer, yet I believe That wishful thinking has ends yet no means. I like to focus, on wasting my time Running in circles around things that aren’t mine Out of my reach, out of my grasp And I come crashing down on my ass ~Cryptic Girl
WITH FRIGHTFUL DREAMSLet’s strip the paint off the walls, Toss it over the bathroom stalls. Don’t look now, cause I’m jumping in, Trying to find my guts again. Tripping all over myself in this mess, High heels and a dragging dress Pleading with hissing rats, Begging for my insides back. Gnawing at me, couldn’t understand They polished the skin off my hand, Reached the bone and bolted quick, Indicating I tasted sick. Desperate and fading fast, I reach for the last thing that held my grasp. Hanging on, and close to death, I’m living off your every breath. Aching and unaware, With no extra life to spare, Shake me off like a parasite. I fade away into the night. Thankful that I’m home again, Fear graciously takes me in. Working with haste, she does not stall, And locks me between six dark walls. So there I am, and so I sit Waiting ‘til my body quits, In a dark room with frightful dreams. Where no one will ever hear my screams. ~Cryptic Girl
THIS FOGGY NIGHTThe only thing I want this fog to know Is how to get thicker, so let’s watch it grow. Confusion can be quite an addictive thing, When you break all sense from the beginning. So let’s feed some lies to this foggy night. Don’t you know I’m sensitive to the light? Don’t tell me the skies are starting to clear. I don’t want to know what’s buried inside here. Just throw me your voice so I’ll think you’re close. I refuse to take another reality dose. ~Cryptic Girl
I know what’s at the bottom. The bottom of it all. I love to fall over and over and over again. I like to push away my friends. Someone always picks me back up. Sometimes a stranger. Sometimes just me. When you fall enough times, you just brush off the pain. It’s nothing. But, I need to find something. I know what’s at the bottom. There’s nothing there for me. I’ve heard what’s at the top. Nothing still, you see. So help me find the middle where I’m not too little and not too tall and that’s where I’ll be happiest of all.
~ Cryptic Girl